Running My Life

Last night, I dreamt I was running. Quickly and steadily. It was surreal—me jogging and smiling simultaneously. I hated to jog. I remember waking up tired. My legs literally had aches. Was it all mental? I went to a couple of dream sites to ‘interpret’ my dreams. Let’s see—running means No restraint. Freedom. Distance. There is something that you want to escape from. Interesting I pondered; I was, indeed, drawn to this interpretation.

‘no restraint’—I could see that. I have marched (and still do) to my own tune and at times I have gotten in ‘big trouble’. Some parents have thought I was too unorthodox in my teaching style while others have adored me AND my unique style. Just the other day, I received an impressive stationary set from a parent. Then on the flipside, I received an angry email from a failing student’s parent.

Then, I thought about some coworkers who snub me in general due to my isolation and zipped lips. Co workers are so damn nosey. Whatcha doing, where you going, who are you seeing, blah, blah, blah. It’s madness. Most of them I do not personally like but respect enough to be professional with them. I like to keep them ‘guessing’. I had a crush on an A.P. (black man with dreads. Goodness) but after a week or so, my crush panned and I moved on to the next man. My attention span is of curiosity for most and even myself. One day you’re ‘all world’ and the next ‘get away from me.’

‘Freedom’—I deliberated could only translate to my recent life decisions—moving, re adjusting and adding new flavors to my life. Currently, a Spanish fly of a man—but that’s another story. The freedom to live--my way and without fault from others, my family and myself. I am my hardest critic.

I stayed in my bed for a spell—contemplating and replaying my dream. Me—running. When my alarm screeched this morning, I wanted to call a substitute and stay in bed then I reasoned with myself and decided since there was one week left—why not?

I followed my routine as normally and precisely as ever while in the back of my mind, I mulled over the essence of the last portion of the dream interpretation: there is something you want to escape from

I had no answer—no yet, anyway.